My Journal
Date: 4/5/2012
Well I guess I can start off by stating my name. My name is Natalie, but everyone calls me Nat. I am 18 years old and I am from a small town in upstate New York, in the foothills of the Catskill Mountains. My thereapist told me to write this journal, about what had happened my Junior year in high school. I am now a Senior. Even though I am the most popular girl at my school, I still have my problems. I was known as the girl who would cheat on guys because I didn't really notice their emotions. I guess this is where the story starts.
The beginning of my Junior year, I was dating the most popular guy at my school, Thomason. He was probably he worst guy for me to date. He was abusive and didn't seem to care about me. I love kissing guys, it's like a drug to me. I was making out with the coolest guy ever, Jake, who is a spittin image of Pierre Bouvier from Simple Plan. All of a sudden my bedroom door slammed open. It was Thomason and he looked pissed. "Wanna join us?" I said playfully. "You don't mean anything to me anymore! all you do is cheat! you seriously need to grow up, Nat! you're not the American Jesus you know! I hope you crash and burn because you suck at love!" Thomason yelled at me. "Well damnit Thomason! Nobody is perfect! Well, hah, Simple Plan is, but other than them, no one is!" As I said that to him, he just turned and walked away. At that moment I felt like I was the loser of the year. I felt bad that Jake had to see that because I really like him. I just prayed that he would stay with me, I was addicted to him.
"You know Jake, I'm just a kid and I make mistakes. But, when I'm with you I feel like one day we could have our summer paradise." I told him, honestly. "Nat, darling, you have to promise me that when you take my hand, even though right now your love is a lie, one by one your love will turn around proving that I did save you." "Yes, Jake, I promise. I'd do anything, anything to meet you there; at your level of love." Jake just stared at me and laughed, "Shut up and kiss me Nat." That was the day my life changed.
The next day Jake and I were cuddling and he randomly said, "I can't keep my hands off you, this is truely a perfect world." I had to admit he was right. All I could think in my head at that moment was, "welcome to my life." I smiled at him finally knowing I had something good in my life and that I must be crazy to actually be falling in love with him. Over the next few weeks, Jake and I were always together. Everyone even voted us the cutest couple for the yearbook. Then, something amazing had happened to me.
"Jake! I got the part in the movie, My Alien, that I auditioned for! I'm playing the sexy alien and Sebby Fresh is playing the astronaut!" "Oh my God babe! Congrats!" "Yeah, but that means I'm going to be away from you. Haha I have an idea! When I'm gone, everytime someone says my name, can you jump for joy for me, please?" Jake laughed at that idea. "Why would one jump for joy when I won't be there next to you? "Because, then you can think of me and it'll cheer you up." He shrugged and nodded. We then kissed, hugged and cuddled. "Hey, Jake, what if I become famous for nothing?" "Darling, as long as you think about me, nothing you do is for nothing."
That following weekend I was packing and talking to me best friend Zoe, who was helping me pack. "Hey, um, Nat, what's on your mind? You just got really quiet." "Zoe, do you think that our generation is running out of time to find and fall in love?" "No way! I think we have plenty of time. Are you scared that Jake might find someone else?" "No, I'm afraid that I will." "Nat, don't surrender to your urges. I read this book called, 'Untitled: Life Of A Teenage Girl' and it says that it's better to have one guy to love then have no love at all." "That's genius!" "Well Nat, I am really smart." Then we laughed and finished packing up my stuff.
Bright and early that Monday morning Jake drove me to the airport. "Jake, even though it's only November, I wanted to tell you that you are the only thing on my Christmas list and I love you with all my heart." "I love you too Natalie. I can wait forever for you. Whenever you see a shooting star think of me and you will know everything is ok." "I guess it's time to say goodbye." "Not goodbye but see ya later." "See ya later Jake" I hugged him and I knew it was real. I started to cry; I didn't want to leave my true love behind. That was the last time that I saw him alive.
Coming from New York I didn't get the hang of LA time for awhile. The jet lag lasted for months, actually. On set, I had to do school work so I wouldn't get behind. I really wanted to be anywhere else but here. Like, with Jake and my family. Being in a move with Sebby made things a little bit easier. He always sung me Simple Plan songs. It was really sweet. But I knew we could only be friends because I was 100% in love with Jake.
The last day of filming was bittersweet. I loved filming but I missed home and Jake. I couldn't wait until I was in Jake's arms once again. After we finished, I took the first flight home, since I was already packed. When I landed, I got a phone call from Zoe, "Nat, there's been an accident. Jake he's..he's..." "He's what Zoe?!?!" I bursted into tears right then thinking the worst. I honestly didn't want to know but Zoe was freaking me out. "Nat, just get to the corner where our bus picked us up in middle school." "I'm just around the corner, be there in a sec." I saw the lights. I saw the crash. I saw them putting Jake's body in the body bag. That was when I lost it. Zoe saw me and ran over to me. "Zoe, God must hate me. Jake is the love of my life. Now he's gone too soon." I just sat there crying on my best friend's shoulder until she decided to drive me home.
At home, I couldn't take it anymore. It was me against the world. I thought that I was holding on but in truth, I wasn't. It had to end. I tried to tie the belt around my neck. As I was doing that, the song, 'Last One Standing' by Simple Plan, aka my favorite band, was playing on the radio. It reminded me that I have to stay strong and that I'm not alone. I called Zoe. "Zoe, I almost commited suicide. Can you spend the night? Please? This song saved my life. Like literally, today is the worst day ever."
Well, that was about a year ago. I haven't had a suicidal thought since. I feel happier today than I did year ago. If I could tell Jake anything it would be this, "I never should have let you go and I don't wanna think about you being dead because it hurts. I will always love you. We were so happy together. Joy to the world that you are alive in my memory." I guess that is my story. The End.
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